The day whisks by, faster and faster it seems as the years go on. I remember when I was a small child, maybe 7 or so, sitting in grade school and thinking about the future- to my horror, I realized how long it would take me to graduate, and how old I would be. It seemed so far off, and such a long wait, and I just wanted to grow up and get on with it!! I hated school, hated being classified as a child, and wanted the freedoms of adulthood. I knew from early on that I did not want children. From the age of 3 to be exact- I remember verbalizing this to my mother who routinely told me I would change my mind when I "grew up"..... but maybe it was the sense in the back of my mind, that I would never have that opportunity to have children anyways. As I grew, and hit the wonderful age to bring the pains of puberty, it was discovered I had a condition that eventually meant I would need surgery in my 20's. I would not be able to keep my "parts" to reproduce... leaving me with a play ground with no consequences so to speak!! YIPPEEE... how liberating! Now I was growing, maturing, and finding my path. I remember my elders always telling me, "don't wish your life away, it goes so fast!! You don't want to grow up to soon!"..... boy were they right, does it go fast! My only regrets are that I did not seek my college education right after high school, instead of 25 years later- and my other regret is that in wishing my time away- to grow, and be an adult, I lost precious years with those loved ones that taught me the good things. The people I loved so dearly, like my Grandparents, and a few dear friends, are now part of those years I sped through! I wish I could go back, just to have them a bit longer- just a few more days, or a few more moments of those precious times with them. If I were a Mom, or a Grandma, the one thing I would tell that smart little girl that wants to grow up so fast is that it is ok to wish time to go by to take you to your goals and dreams- but if it goes too fast, you loose the extra moments with those that you love. Those precious times that you cherish and curb you into who you are, are only here once! Nothing else that speeds by, or is in the past, or to come ever really matters but family and loved ones! I still am blessed with my parents, my Auntie, and my Dear Uncle, great friends, and partners... and now, I just want time to slow down so I can have them for the rest of my time.... yes, each minute is worth more then you know, so please, please, don't wish it away!

The Meaning of Frustration~

posted as a reply on another Blog I follow~ Frustration and what I think it means:

Sometimes the frustration we feel, is truly our own road block discovered- what I mean by this is, that when we reach a point of frustration, it is a time to re-evaluate our boundaries, or projections, our thoughts and beliefs- it is a chance to "EVOLVE" and become a better person and the only way that is possible is to be honest with ourselves to determine "why" we are frustrated. Sometimes we discover that we need to stand out ground about what ever the situation was that frustrated us, and that is self love, and self preservation. Sometimes we realize that we have imposed a rigidity that truly is suffocating our ability to change and the frustration we feel, is only due to the realization that we resent change! Change can be scary, and a real eye opener- but to embrace your frustration and get to the core of it, means to really grow and be a happier person with broader horizons!

Is KINDNESS a dead thought process?

I often contemplate how I treat others, and how people treat the world around them. I think that my educational process is a gamut of events in my life, like being raised as a street wise kid, independent, being a cop for roughly 15 years, and my upper level education. I think about how the education I have received and continue to pursue has opened my eyes so much to how others feel and live. How society's social norms and constraints open the door for others to be oppressed enough to feel they don't belong, can't cope, and even kill themselves. This past week, we had 2 youths in the United States kill themselves due to Bullying.... one was 11, and one was 14 and both knew they were gay or bi-sexual already. Now for me, between all the science, Biology, Anatomy, and Psychology culminated with a BIG DOSE of Gender studies I have taken lately, I can see how diverse the existence is of the human body, and human mind can be. Not only can I see the diversity in its existence, but also in how evolution, genetics,and conditioning has made variances in every aspect of the human body, emotions, desires and the mind.  What we think is "normal" is in fact a masked perception caused by social constraints and vocalized norms. The fact is, many variances are never aloud to flourish, be discussed, or even acknowledged. These social constraints are peremptorily and preemptively conveyed by Christianity and the American Medical Association standards of human treatment and human behavior. I am NOT knocking religion, as it is a fundamental part of my life and my family history in ways unimaginable to most people- and that in itself is another blog. BUT what I do find frustrating is that in the interpretation of religion and the Bible, we have lost sight of what it stands for, and in its place allowed the humanistic, ego, male voice, and twisted presentation to basically exercise control of the human population and maintain a Anglo- Saxon dominated world. So variances, are not allowed to be "NORMAL".  Things like LGBTQ and Inter-Sexed are not even discussed in most realms of society. Did you know that 17% of all babies are born with an unidentifiable gender because of their genitalia? They are surgically altered and determined to be ONE sex by the physician at birth and sometimes doctors do not not even tell the mother of the surgery and sex determination EVER. THEY (the doctors choose it) think that it is easier for the baby and the mother to not be "faced" with this "abnormal" situation... the only reason it is abnormal, is because it is hidden!! The amount of incidence is high, and it is now believed that many Transgendered individuals were actually born intersexed. WHY? Because as transgender surgeries are now occurring more frequently, it is often found that a man who wants to be a woman, actually has partial ovaries internally when they go to remove male genitalia... and that women who want to be a man, often have internal testies. There are also chromosomal differences too. We have treated these men and women in our culture as if they are freaks, and that this is a mental disorder- imagine, can you? to be trapped in the wrong body? To be treated horribly by society, and all along, this is not your fault, but is GODS making if you in fact believe the religious aspect, and if not, a human DNA mutation,and here society treats them awfully and as if it was their "CHOICE" to live in turmoil! or how about this:  Do you know that home births with midwives have a lower mortality rate for both mother and child then traditional hospital births? Did you know that 29% of hospital births end up becoming C-sections because in that pretty little IV the mom has, Patossin is given to "force" the labor along so you do not occupy a birthing suite for more then 12 hours, so the hospital has a high turn over rate and makes more money? Why? Because WOMEN are viewed as weak, incapable, and at risk- needing medical intervention to do a process we have done for thousands of years sans intervention! The USA has the highest rate of C-sections of any where else in the world, with the highest rate of maternal, and infant mortality in medically assisted child births out of ANYWHERE else in the world! I would call that some discrimination against women to view them as "fragile" and having incapable bodies to perform ONE of the exact tasks our bodies are made SUCCESSFULLY to do! Do you know that about 46% of war vettes suffer from PTSD and never get treated? This is because the government will not invest funds in that treatment of later onset illnesses because they want to pay only for immediate onset health and injuries (like amputees). Did you know that 38% of youths say they have been bullied enough at some point in school that they considered stopping/ dropping out of school and/ or even committing suicide?

Think about these statements- mull them over in your mind! I know they are varied, and maybe don't seem to connect- or maybe do not seem that important to you- maybe some offend you... and that is NOT my intention! What is my intention is to point out the lack of kindness- the lack of human emotion, and the lack of caring for others. Shunning others because they are different, or because of their gender, or because they have a debilitating mental health issue, or because you are stronger then them, or don't believe in what they do, and this is NOT ok!!! PLEASE consider your words, your thoughts, your actions towards others and be a better person from this point out! Teach your children to be kinder too! Know and realize, that others differences are not a threat to who you are, or your family- and that ignorance towards acceptance of these differences, no matter what they are, only leads to an ugly world!

I have placed a link to a beautiful and moving video that I think summarizes the whole point of this Blog. Please first, consider how this man is treated in the FIRST place,and then consider how is treated after his sign is changed! He should have had the kindness with out the change- But this also demonstrates the IMPACT of WORDS!!!


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If this does not make you think a bit, I am beyond words as to what else to say! Blessings to all and enjoy!

Impersonal, personalization through social networks...

I posted this on my Facebook account today- and I thought it might be relevant to many folks and the social avenues in their lives... so here it is:
     ok, I took what, 14 days off of Facebook... and what did I learn and realize?? Something deeply personal for me... that this is a very lonely place... yes, facebook is... it is part of the cyber world- the impersonal, lack of human emotion, affection and general personal interaction one gets from real friendships. Yes, I love all of you, my friends and family on here, don't get me wrong. There is an issue though which is prevalent in society's social world today though. A huge disconnect exists in what is supposed to be human interaction. We, the people, living in this busy world, knowing far too many people to truly enjoy a deep and meaningful relationship with ALL of them, replace the personal interaction, with good intentioned cyber love. Whether it be texting, or Facebook, or Myspace... or Twitter, or instant computer messaging... it is NOT the same thing as social interaction... it is not the same as a conversation with voice inflection and questions showing genuine interest in another human beings welfare. It does not include a hug if you are affectionate, or the emotion only eyes can display. Or the deepest healing element of mankind, which is also the most infectious of all..... DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS?? It is something we all need, and often lack... that is LAUGHTER folks... you ever hear a good laugh coming out of someone and begin to giggle too? Do you get that out of  "LOL" ??? Sure you can read funny stuff, see funny videos, and get a good laugh- but that is not the same as laughter from true human interaction.
What I realized for me personally, is that although it is great to be on here and read peoples posts, and keep up with people in a way, I felt  very lonely in the end of the day despite "reading Facebook". I realized in my two weeks off here, although I missed this social network, it does not replace what I get from you in person- even if in person, is on the phone. So, I will continue to stay on Facebook, and interact here... but that is not enough. Although I am a loner in many ways, and love my quiet times- I feel when I do want to socialize, I prefer from now on to talk to you, versus posting to you..... Life is short, and I want quality, not quantity in everything I do... and I want the same for you!! I want my interactions to BE personal, not guarded, and therefore from this point out, will pick and choose and re-evaluate what I get from Facebook and who is on i.m. friends list. The ones that are? Are far more then "cyber-buddies".... you are my friends, you mean alot to me, I value you and want to talk to you IN PERSON!  I hope you understand what I mean here, and I hope it makes you think about the quality of friendships in your own life too- to realize that posting to someone on Facebook is truly not MAINTAINING your friendships... it is just a component contributing to them..... and it is not enough to think that it is making someone feel like they are appreciated... you want them to know you care? Have some good olden day inspiration and have them over for dinner, or call them, or go visit them...... yes, thats what I figured out during my two weeks off of facebook my friends... thats all, a simple little realization that truly struck a chord in me... thanks for listening~

Think a Thought to Ponder- WORDS~~~~

Words of the World

In our worldly ways

We speak so many, do you know what you say?

Do they harm, hurt, and do us wrong today?

Do they capture captivate & gravitate the meaning of what you want to convey?

Do they cultivate, capitulate and debate what you mean?

Can you capture them with tones and grace, and find a better way?

With the breath upon your lips, what escapes you can change

The words of the world in many ways~

by Me

~NUTTsHeLl~

I find that my time is precious- no more then yours, but it is. As I evaluate my life, and move through the years, I even find that it is sacred. All the things I never paid attention to before, move to the forefront of my mind. The things I took for granted, have all been "reality-checked" by life's events, both good and bad. So from this, I realized I have a voice, and I want to use it. Not just to be heard, it really is not that simple, but to make a difference. It is as if my words, could just bring one thought of change, to those who read them, then I have accomplished something good in my 40 short years.

I look at the events of the world right now- all the things making a huge impact- along with them, the supported knowledge of my continued adult college education, and I am so unsettled by what I see. This perpetuated generational selfishness and self righteous nation we live in is truly disturbing to me. To take the ways of our freedom, and to minimize them to some personal self-righteous statement many make about the USA is downright embarrassing. The lack of compassion and willingness to be kind and reach out to help other nations is disgusting- all the while, many bitching about our own country, and it's politics- but they are unwilling to invest one iota of effort to enact change personally. It can be from the simplest things as recycling, water conservation, human rights, to economic and fiscally responsible actions, to ethnic or global freedoms and kindness.

I have looked, and watched silently for many years, thinking I was too young, or naive, or uneducated to speak up- to try to point things out. To think of solutions for myself let alone others. My journey through political science, history, and women's studies, has opened my eyes to a whole new world of things that I want, and could change. So now, I have slowly over the last year, begun to speak out. For rights, for equality, for change, for conservation, for alternatives. I can have a voice, I have a right to bitch..why? because I do vote, I do write legislation, policy holders, groups, the Representatives, the house and I do make the effort to see what I think is right, come about. Does that mean that I simply think you should agree on the same things? NO!! but what it does mean, is that you also should work towards the changes you want and have a voice too instead of a simple gripe! What I want to do is open your eyes- wide open, to see the world around you, and how you, as one simple person alone, can make a difference everyday, in small baby steps! Welcome on board, to the wind for a change- all it takes is for the wind to carry your voice, and many can hear it, many may heed it... it can make a difference.. so do your part too!

~DISTURBING~

I was on facebook today- and another public domain, and saw this post on many peoples pages- I found it deeply disturbing... here is what it said:

"Does it make sense? does it? Homeless in the US go without eating. Elderly in the US go without needed medicines. Mentally ill in the US go without treatment. American troops go without proper equipment. American veterans go without benefits that were promised. Yet we donate billions to other countries before helping our own first. 1% will re-post and 99% won't. Have the guts to re-post this. I KNOW I'M IN THE 1%"

My response in a few seconds was this (and I wish I had gone into greater detail):

 I agree money needs to allowcated properly here in the USA... BUT.... we are one of the richest countries on the planet- and if you look at what has happened in JAPAN- they have lost everything- and I think helping out others, our neighbors, ...is never a bad thing... the saying what comes around goes around, should never be limited by BORDERS. Being internally fiscal would be a great thing- but being selfish is not- if all of the world opened their arms to embrace and help- the world would be a much better place. WE do have shelters, and aid here- and many people CHOOSE not to seek it- I am not saying there are those who simply slip through the cracks, because certainly the system is not fair- but there are alot of resources for those who TRY to seek it- mental illness and drug issues (including alcohol) play a large part in those who dont get help- but there are many people due to economic failure and personally failed finances too; and then have no choice but to end up homeless... still, despite all these terrible circumstances- to see the loss of everything- 10,000 people, jobs, homes, animals, cars, money, banks, water, food sources, boats- all of it in Japan??... you don't think we should reach out a helping hand to them or Haiti??? You can not compare our hardships to those of these countries completely devestated!! You could take the food we throw out everyday in the garbage can in our homes, or at the end of the day at a restraunt for that matter, in the USA alone, and feed a nation! We overspend, and are materialistic in the US. Much is wasted and never recycled. We burn up natural resources faster then they can replenish. There are certainly things we could do to help oourselves internally, in our nation and don't. It is not to say many are unfairly, and unjustly treated either- because I am certainly not claiming perfection here in our country. If you want to see it make MORE SENSE here in the USA??? get out and vote! you have a voice, a choice, and you can pressure your politicians and congress by getting involved. I follow the laws personally, and pettition the house, representives and legislators at LEAST once a week on something I feel strongly about- we need to complain where it counts to change this- and help others too.